Look mum! I’m all grown up!

I think out of me and my sisters, I was the only one of us not to experience separation anxiety.
A strong sense of being my own person from an early age was probably what challenged my mother the most about me.
‘once you make up your mind there’s no budging you’
determined knowing my mind what ever you get the picture
Mostly this has continued to be the case.
Except, I hadn’t fully appreciated that I’d been travelling my life’s road, seen a signpost and taken an unplanned turn. I thought I knew what I wanted but then I realised I was somewhere new and it was a really nice place too.
So I’ve decided to go live in this new place. And the thing about moving is that it’s all about change right?
The streets are different and sometimes you get lost. You can’t take everything with you and even if you do, it never looks the same as it did before.
You have to change your routine and sometimes you even end up losing some friends.
It’s uncomfortable, frightening and well, it’s just you.
But there’s more on moving and change.
When you get lost, you might just stumble upon a fantastic new café that has THE best breakfasts.
You get to start again and breathe your life into a new space. Sure it’s different, but it’s still you!
And you find there are some friends who will make the extra effort to find where you’re at now. They overwhelm you by offering to help you move your stuff, clean up the old place, unpack the new.
I’m gonna stay in this new place and keep reminding myself of who I am and keep making my own decisions. Because really, I do know my mind and however this goes from here, it was what I wanted.
And in staying, I’m still gonna face what I’ve left behind.
Damage, heartbreak, loneliness, anger.
Not just in the rear vision mirror. Staring right at it and taking responsibility, because it was me who took that turn off.
Of course I could have found a way back.
There’s always an exit that leads back to the main highway.
But I only took that turn because I needed that new direction.  If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have noticed that signpost at all.
And for the record, I’ve got a hopeless sense of direction and I don’t have a map with me.
So this is about as big girl as I have ever been.
Being an adult has it high points and low points.
But I’m going to stick with it. No going back now.

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